Conversations with my Mind (Part 1)
“I have full conversations with my mind and its always funny”
I was the kid that kept it to herself. The quiet kid, probably plotting your m**r. Just kidding (lol) but I was the quiet kid that talked less. I didn’t have close friends, just classmates when I was in primary school. I hated socializing. People always made me feel bad whenever I speak.
I read a lot so I kind of had surface knowledge about anything. History, science, sports… just name it. So anytime I speak, my weirdness comes out 😆. But I still had a lot to say so I started talking to myself. Outwardly by the way.
I was 5 years old, having full conversations with the air. Thinking about this now, I have always been a weirdo. I will hold debates, talk about my day and pretend to be the other person. I didn’t know I was co-co then.
But anyway, one day I prayed about it and tried to stop. Slowly, I stopped and that was when I discovered *the inner monologue* . I could speak to myself internally without being called weird. It became a safe place. I could maladaptive daydream. I could imagine myself being happy. It was really a blessing until…. my inner monologue suddenly …. discovered consciousness.
Why am I having a different opinion with my inner voice? Why does she interrupt me when I am talking? Why is she so funny and smart? I decided to call her ‘Tchelber’ , my pseudonym.
It’s crazy. I could be having a bad day, Tchel will say a silly joke to make me laugh. I could be having a moment and she will be like; don’t lose guard. She is my best friend and greatest critic. She is annoying and still she is probably the only person that understands and loves me.
To show how crazy Tchel is, I am starting this series: ‘Conversations with my mind’ where I will write down real life conversations I have had with my inner monologue.
Today’s episode is titled Half a Yellow Sun.
Me: So we are going to watch Half a Yellow Sun for the first time today.
Tchel: We didn’t like the book.
Me: Movies are more thrilling, besides maybe we don’t have good thinking ability when we read the book.
Tchel: Ok… Let’s watch then.
(Watches first 10 mins)
Tchel: I don’t like it
Me: Same… Let’s continue. We might grow to like it.
Tchel: Why is the movie looking like a book? Let’s see the end
Me: (Fast forward to the last few minutes)
Tchel is deep silence.
Me: (close the movie window) Let’s think about our boring life then.
Bye ❤️