The Freedom of Being Free
‘I needed a humbling moment to realize how fickle and how stupid I have been all these years/months trying to force people to like me or be my friends’
June 2024, was probably a turning moment in my life this year but you see, July? That was the peak- My humbling moment. Then the first week of August was all I needed to realize that I have been stupid all these months and years of my life. I have been blind to see what I have done so far in life. What God has done for me and what is not for me… I have been blind to think that because of who I am, things will always fall in place.
I always felt I needed to trust people. I always thought everyone will be nice and reasonable. That, that was my problem. I tried forcing things without realizing. I wasn’t free. It was… as if I wanted human validation. I always felt that if you were nice to people, they will be nice to you. That, that is not true. You can’t change people’s opinion of you by few actions of kindness. Sometimes, people want to believe what they want to believe.
I had two problems — I thought I was underachieving and suffered from self esteem issues
and two I thought everyone is reasonable and trustworthy. I needed freedom but more importantly, I needed to love myself first.
When Jesus said, Love your neighbors as yourself, he did mean that you can’t love others well if you don’t love yourself. So maybe all this while I have been throwing my love to the wrong people because I don’t love myself well. To be free, I needed to love myself truly.
I have never felt more free. It is true that I lost a lot but I discovered something about me. I can achieve anything if I set my mind on it. Maybe I am not an underachiever after all.
I sleep early now. I cook cos I have to eat. I am less pressured about how people view me because it is none of my business (so grateful for this). I take care of my health and always want to be confident all the time.
This freedom of being free, I pray it lasts for the longest of decades ❤️