Transactional Friends — How to Avoid Them and Make Better Friends
I have never had a transactional friend, thankfully (actually, what do I have that someone want 😄) so I was kind of naive until I watched a TikTok that talked about. It then dawn on me, many people are sadly transactional in friendships. They are there for the vibes and what they can get and not what they can give.
Well, what does it mean to be a transactional friend?
A transactional friend is someone who only sticks around when they need something from you. Once their needs are met, they disappear, leaving you drained and questioning the authenticity of the relationship.
Identifying Transactional Friends
A true friendship should be a two-way street. That is one gives, the other receives and vice versa. However, transactional friends tend to display these characteristics. If you know someone like this, it is best to cut them off now so that* tomorrow you wouldn’t complain that a close friend of 14 years left you when you needed them the most. Do the needful now!
They only reach out when they need something.
If this is not the first sign, then what is. Do you have that friend that only calls, texts, or visits when they need a favor, assistance, or connections? Then, you may be dealing with a transactional friend.
Lack of emotional investment.
They show little interest in your personal struggles, joys, or well-being but expect you to be fully present for theirs.
They disappear when you need help.
True friends stand by you in both good times and bad. If someone avoids you when you need support but expects you to always be there for them, the relationship is one-sided.
They see relationships as an exchange.
Every interaction feels like a trade-off; they do something for you only if they get something in return.
They make you feel used.
If you constantly feel drained or exploited after interacting with someone, your friendship might be based on transactions rather than genuine connection.
How to Avoid Transactional Friends
So, how can you avoid transactional friends?
1. Set Clear Boundaries
You are not obligated to meet everyone’s demands, especially if they do not reciprocate the effort. Be mindful of your energy and say no when necessary.
2. Observe Before Committing
(Take this point seriously!!) Not everyone deserves your time and trust. Pay attention to people’s patterns and behaviors before investing deeply in a friendship.
3. Prioritize Reciprocity
Healthy friendships involve mutual giving and receiving. Surround yourself with those who genuinely care about your well-being, not just what you can offer. If you notice someone never reciprocate, you might just have made for yourself a transactional friend.
4. Trust Your Instincts
If a friendship feels one-sided, it probably is. Listen to your gut and avoid forcing connections that do not serve you.
5. Align Yourself with Godly Values
The Bible warns against self-seeking relationships. Proverbs 18:24 (NWT) says, “There are companions ready to crush one another, But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” Seek friendships with people who are loyal and close to you like a brother.
Making Real Friends
Instead of settling for transactional relationships, build genuine friendships. There are ways to that.
1. Being a True Friend Yourself
Friendship is a two-way commitment. Show kindness, honesty, and loyalty to those around you. People are drawn to these beautiful qualities.
2. Finding Friends with Shared Values
Look for people who align with your morals, interests, and faith. These relationships tend to be more authentic and fulfilling because you share the same values.
3. Investing in Deep Conversations
Superficial connections rarely lead to strong friendships. Yes, I said it. If you are close to someone who only gossips and tears down others, you don’t have a real friend. True friends open up, share their thoughts and feelings, and listen actively to the other. They centre their friendships in upbuilding themselves, not ruining others.
4. Supporting and Celebrating Each Other
True friends lift each other up. They offer help in tough times and rejoicing in each other’s successes without jealousy. Point to note, true friends are not in any competition with themselves. They are happy for themselves. If you find it hard to be happy for others, it is time to change your attitude.
5. Trusting God to Bring the Right People
Pray for meaningful friendships. God places the right people in our lives at the right time. Ecclesiastes 4:9–10 (NWT) reminds us, “Two are better than one because they have a good reward for their hard work: For if one of them falls, the other can help his partner up.” So, a true friend will always help you but be a true friend first
Friendships should not be based on convenience or personal gain but on mutual love, trust, and faith.
Keep in mind what Proverbs 17:17 (NWT) says: “A true friend shows love at all times, And is a brother who is born for times of distress.” Choose friendships that reflect this love, as you also show that love and you will never feel alone.
